1396) Status Update: A Change of Heart Concerning Medicine February 21, 2011
Posted by pete1844 in Status Updates.trackback Kamal, 15th Mulk, 167 BE The Perfection and Questions of Dominion Monday, 21st February, 2011 AD . 1396) Status Update, A Change of Heart Concerning Medicine
. About the previous posts:- Tush, tush, getting a bit hot under the collar, Pete? Been getting things out of proportion? Perhaps, probably. After being hospitalised for the 7th time diue to psychological factors, regular alanzapine, aripiprazol and now quetiapine (Seroquel), those symptoms of bad brain-functioning of emotional over-reaction, catastrophizsing the events of the world around me, the psychic perceptions of parallel univereses, time travel, of visual and auditory hallucinations, perceptions of the next world in this, hypersensitivity to factors in the environment, and a hypersensitivity to other people, are all put on the back burner, if not swept under the carpet, and normalcy resumed, which is nice. . After being taking in for assessment on the evening of 5th January, nearly 2 months later, and, due to anti-psychotic medication, I’m feeling much more mediocre, mundane, banal, bland, and therefore fit in wioth society much better than before. Leave from the psyche ward has been increased so that I can go home every day from 10:00 to 18:00 and 21:30 on a Monday due to my Chinese class. Life is becoming sweet again, and stable, serene, placid, tranquil. Vitamins are still important, but no longer without backup from the psychotropic drugs from the pharmaceutical industry, which doesn’t seem quite so evil anymore. Am I missing the point, or getting it at last? Time will tell. . Fidal, 16th Mulk, 167 BE The Grace and Honour of Dominion Tuesday, 22nd February, 2011 AD . Today has been characterised by depression, rancour, hate and envy, a dull resentment of the pathetic nature of my life compared with the joys, privileges and successes that have been granted to so many of my friends who I perceive to look down on me with disdainful contempt, and a supercilious superiority. Followed by a grim, greitted teeth determination to follow my father’s interminable advice, “don’t let the bastards grind you down”. So I am being restored to Restore and ITQ, which will take up 4 days each week, heading for a better office job than the one I had of rnearlyt 30 years, extra income, and if I’m not too late, a chance to make by life work and function appropriately, before either western civilization or I collapse in old age and ruin. . ‘Idal, 17th Mulk, 167 BE The Justice and Sovereignty of Dominion Wednesday, 23rd February, 2011 AD . I’ve been on another of those emotional roller-coaster days so far today, starting off despondent and tearful and ending up unreasonably and unconscionably optimistic and upbeat, as if she will or might at any moment jump out from behind a corner and give me a long, passionate kiss, and suddenly my life would be a manifestation of that Belinda Carlisle song, “Heaven is a place on Earth”. Practical jobs achieved today include getting in touch with HMRC and am now awaiting a new password and paper tax return to fill in including pages for self-employment. . Istiqlal, 19th Mulk, 167 BE The Independence and Loftiness of Dominion Friday, 25th February 2011 AD . As sure as little apples, the optimism of Wednesday has evaporated, as usual, due to passage of time. There is too little factual evidence upon which to decide to be optimistic or pessimistic, so the outlook changes with the vagaries of emotion, based on no rhyme or reason, whatsoever. Today, a farewell gathering for the old cpontract at Restore, ready for a new contract with changes from the past, is followed, before a Baha’i discussion on “The the soul have a gender?” with being here at home on my own, with nothing for company but John Barry’;s wistful mourneful music, such as that for “Body Heat” starring William Hurt and Kathleen Turner, full of doubt, foreboding, anf an inability to regard even those closest to you as trustworthy, honest, sincere and thruithful. Such is life. Even she to whom my heart feels inseparably wedded, admitted herself that when with me she is dishonest. In that situation IO have noone to trust, and my distrust of Him, Baha’u';llah, Who seems to have doled out in the 35 years I have “followed” Him, nothing but failure, heartache and misery, has never been deeper. Why should I believe the remaining 20 years of my life should be any less disheartening? Why should I believe things will get better? What is the evidence? Especially when the only thing that would affect my misery is if she were to walk back into my life, and there is no rational reason to believe that will ever happen. I want her and nothing else, and what I want is not going to happen, according to any rational analysis and logoical reasoning. I love her, and her alone, and she is gone forever, isn’t she?
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