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1050) Published: Poem: Killing Time September 29, 2009

Posted by pete1844 in Poem.
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Typed and written 16:42, Tuesday, September 2009 CE
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1050) Killing Time
.
I finished “work” at 15:00 today
and was meeting a friend nearby at 17:30
with 2.5 hours to kill
getting money from an ATM
eating a vanilla ice cream
and checking my e-mails:-
Yahoo, Hotmail, Facebook and WordPress
nothing much to report
and still tons of time to kill
as I use this free, unsecured, public network
with my portable WiFi laptop
and wonder if I can think of anything new
with which to spend my time
while I wait;
I FEEL as if there ARE no more issues to deal with
just getting on with life;
life SEEMS mundane, routine, uneventful, smooth, easy, calm;
maybe
I’m on a plateau before the next ascent?
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1049) Published: Poem: Scorpio September 27, 2009

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Typed and written 07:09, Sunday, 27th September 2009 CE
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1049) Scorpio
(from “1002 Libra”)
.
Its an uphill battle
upping my stamina
bit by bit
starting from scratch
sticking to my guns
but its a slow process
with so far only two days
15th August and 5th September
when an organised “Up” and “Down” routine
for mornings and evenings
has been supplemented only twice
with some work
during the day;
but the path is set
and that is my intention
to gradually do more
than get up and go to bed
but WORK
from 9 to 5
in between;
Scorpios might succeed
in impossible tasks
where others might buckle;
it remains to be seen.

1048) Published: Essay: Brainstorming September 24, 2009

Posted by pete1844 in Non-Fiction Essay.
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Typed and posted 15:21, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written c.14:15, Wednesday, 23rd September 2009 CE
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1048) Brainstorming

Anna, brown boxer dog, fills me with a startled astonishment at such a vivacious vital force. Occasionally, with me under the age of 1, she would bark and I would jump out of my skin. She’d lick the souls of my feet and her energy, boundless, infinite, would be overwhelming, overpowering and this little baby had no peace. Animals, dogs, creatures:- I’d block them all out. They’re frightening, hostile, like the life force in every creature. Block it out. Its uncomfortable. Peace! That’s when I’m asleep in my cot. That’s wonderful. No noise, no light, no sounds, no people, no creatures, no DOGS! Peace, dreaming, in the dark, warm, safe, quiet, of the cot. I DON’T like to be disturbed. Leave me alone. I DON’T WANT to go into the light. I want to stay in the dark, asleep.

1047) Published: Poem: The Cats September 24, 2009

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Typed and posted 15:09, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written 16:37, Wednesday, 23rd September 2009 CE
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1047) The Cats
.
Taffy, Snowdrop (aka Snowball),
Tiger, Tommy, Henry,
Cindy, Kitty, Dinky,
Pepper, Toby and Rosie,
these were at least most
of the domestic cats
that belonged to our family
over many years
from 12 Well Meadow Road
2 Granville Street
19 Harold Street
8 Hafod Road
49 Bodenham Road
19 St Owen’s Street
and 4 Aylestone Grange;
they were all cats
sensual, selfish, independent, materialistic, but clean
with all the usual feline qualities
and I quite liked them
especially the first, Taffy
black and white
and when he ran off with the rabbits
on the expanse of wasteland
beyond our Copthorne estate;
I was grief-stricken
and for a while
refused to have anything to do
with his replacement
a tabby called Tiger or was it Tommy?
Cats have a life, of sorts
personality, sensibility, needs
and they like to be paid attention
physically and sensually
as well as being fed
and their liking of being stroked, scratched, fussed
was for me a vicarious need met
to replace my own need
to be cuddled, held, loved
which did not happen
with any human being.

1046) Published: Poem: Now September 24, 2009

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Typed and posted 15:01, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written 15:12, Wednesday, 23rd September 2009 CE
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1046) Now
.
Now, I remember Anna
the large brown boxer dog
but she was when I was 1
52 years ago
way back in the long forgotten past;
Now
I see the human beings around me
they are gems, shining diamonds
blazing out like brilliant 200 watt bulbs
but the light is hidden
under the veil
of dark, mundane, insensate, biological tissue
but in the eyes
you can sometimes glimpse a sparkling spark
and in their voice
there is a proof of light
for the words ripple out
and wash over us all
shedding light and illumination
one soul to the others
and invisible to mortal, physical eyes
7 blazing diamond lights
have merged into one cloud
of radiant incandescence.

1045) Published: Poem: Learning to Feel September 24, 2009

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Typed and posted 14:54, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written 13:53, Wednesday, 23rd September 2009 CE
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1045) Learning to Feel
.
Learning to feel emotion,
that’s the next layer of the onion
and once an emotion is felt
to express it in words;
I could do with  a drama workshop
and learn to wear a fake mask
practicing laughing or crying
until it feels real
though feeling sad or angry
anxious, edgy or lonely
these I know, already.

1044) Published: Poem: Bland September 24, 2009

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Typed and posted 14:50, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written 13:46, Wednesday, 23rd September 2009 CE
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1044) Bland
.
Bland surroundings
containing bland human beings
under a bland overcast gray sky;
its a bland September in autumn
and life is bland
and I make myself smile
with the overdone use of the word, bland.

1043) Published: Poem: Crippled Inside September 24, 2009

Posted by pete1844 in Poem.
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Typed and posted 14:43, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written 13:40, Wednesday, 23rd September 2009 CE
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1043) Crippled Inside
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“How can I feel
when I don’t know
what it is
that I’m feeling?”
asks John Lennon on “Imagine”;
And due to my learned, habitual and deeply-ingrained coping mechanism,
the anasthetisation
of dissociation and depersonalisation
distancing myself from my own feelings
resulting in “I think therefore I am”
and analyse my environment
but Feel Nothing
maybe just the occasional wry amusement
at the irony of it all.
.
I feel needs
but they’re less feelings than appetites
for food, attention, sleep and intellectual stimulation
and the like
but feelings?
No, not at the moment.

1042) Published: Letter: High Hopes: A Letter to Self September 24, 2009

Posted by pete1844 in Letter.
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Typed and posted 09:02, Thursday, 24th September 2009 CE
Written 14:38, Wednesday, 23rd September 2035 CE
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1042) High Hopes: A Letter to Self

Its autumn, like it is for you, 27 years ago and I’m sitting in a simple chair in our small back garden. Its overcast here in Nanking today, not cold, but not hot either. I remember being in Oxford in 2009. So much has happened in the next 27 years, some difficulties, which we’ve learned from and also many successes. You may wonder if any good can come of anything but what I have to tell you is that you must keep going, for the rewards of perseverance are very great. Remember the quotation, “To try and to persevere is to ensure ultimate and complete victory” So, you may well ask, what have I achieved? Well, I improved my health beyond even your wildest dreams and succeeded in getting a University degree in the UK whilst studying Chinese part time. Then I succeeded in getting a job in China in digital arts. much to my surprise and worked for 8 years before considering retirement but ended up working another 5 freelance. You’ll want to know if I married and had children but I’m not going to tell you; THAT would be telling. All I’m going to say is that I’m happier than I ever thought possible and to quote Winston Churchill, “Never give up, never give up, never give up!”

1041) Published: Poem: The Concourse on High September 22, 2009

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Typed and posted 18:05, Tuesday, 22nd September 2009 CE
Written 11:34, Tuesday, 22nd September 2009 CE
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1041) The Concourse on High
.
What magical moments
constitute that inspiration
from within
that emanates from the CoH?
Sighting the constellation Leo
for the very first time in my life
in 1968 at the age of 13?
Or seeing the night sky
for the very first time in my life
in about 1962 at the age of 7?
or seeing the summer sky at 3 in the morning
from Claywell in about 1988
when I was 33
the sky gray with stars
and Scorpio low in the south
as clear as day?
But what of people, creatures
and Planet Earth?
When have I seen the Divine in those?