jump to navigation

1409) June 24, 2012

Posted by pete1844 in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Sunday, 24th June 2012 AD

1st day today of the 6th Baha’i month, Rahmat or mercy, so 19 Day Feasts in Oxford City and North Oxfordshire were due. Started the day “correctly” and reaching the Oxford Feast on time. It was based on a Children’s Class. Afterwards, I cycled back to Kidlington Sainsbury’s and home for lunch before going to sleep. With a quarter of an hour to spare, I woke up again to cycle to Begbroke for a North Oxfordshire Unity Feast (there are no Local Spiritual Assemblies in North Oxfordshire) where we had a lovely Feast, discussed the centenary of ‘Abdu’l-Baha’s visit to Oxford in 1912, and then had a wonderful heart to heart, western and Persian discussion about some spiritual and mystical aspects of the Faith, and broke up to go home in a wonderful spirit of Baha’i love, fellowship and unity. Then, after a spot of BBC documentary watching on BBC iplayer, its time to go to bed and time to read myself to sleep with “Forces of Our Time” by House of Justice member Hooper Dunbar.

1408) June 23, 2012

Posted by pete1844 in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Saturday, 23rd June 2012 AD

Yesterday, spent some time, trying to liberate from the drainpipe in front of my flat my two discarded bikes, Magna Carter and Steinbeck-Steincheck but found a working key to liberate only the former, which still has some attachments attached to it that I cannot yet detach. I have a key that fits Steinchecks’s lock but it won’t work; perhaps the D lock is rusted solid inside. I also unplugged all the electrical appliances that need fixing, a TV, two VCRs, two DVD’s and a CD and cassette tape player. Also prepared some stuff for the tip, which will create space in my flat, and did some vacuuming. It was a satisfying day, even though the lift to the electrical repairer’s did not materialise through my getting the date wrong; its for today, 23rd, not yesterday, 22nd. The rest of yesterday was unevenyful, though I had when I awoke in the morning felt convicted of sin, and in need of the Gospel, though seemingly resistant and reluctant to turn to His light. THAT resistance needs examining, analysing and neutralising, and as yet I feel I understand little of it. If, as I remember, the only happy memories of my childhood have nothing to do with real people, and as yet I can only remember good memories of such things as sunbeams, snowflakes and the night sky, then something is definitely amiss. Perhaps if my coping mechanism was to block out reality, real people, my real relationship with the world in favour of Gerry Anderson’s fibre-glass puppets, and my first acceptance or interest and inspiration concerning the Gospel is through the Hollywood epics, then its my coping mechanism in which I am hiding, like a dingy small prison cell, and freedom from that in the real world is like having the key to the cell, but not wanting to use it, since that would entail painfully dazzling light, a freedom of choice that would be bewildering, and a real world outside my cell that would be utterly frightening. All conjecture and speculation, albeit consistent and rational. Maybe through sustained and consistent application of the Baha’i Writings, and the immense tolerance and kindness off elements of the Baha’i Community, I will succeed in eventually enjoying God’s good grace and surmounting the legacy of my coping mechanism, to the amazement of all around me except those Baha’is who understand the Faith.

1407) June 21, 2012

Posted by pete1844 in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Thursday, 21st June 2012 AD

I slept virtually all day yesterday, 20th June, possibly due to Quetiapine, possibly due to walking the previous day all the way from Jericho Synagogue to Manzil Way Central Mosque in the Interfaith Friendship Walk. This morning I’m off to a better start, which is nice. It seems to me that the most powerful way to resist the cultural, spiritual, emotional, psychological, psychic assimilation of the organs of what passes for government in the west, is to chant 95 times the Baha’i invocation, “Allah’u’Abha!” and I have been doing so for several years according to a tune used by the Baha’i music group, Gyanyame. The same tune was also used before by a group, I think called Islington. This chanting, which takes not more than about 5 minutes, counting using fingers and thumbs, seems to me to “reset” the soul, and to cancel and neutralise the worst aspects of how my brain and mind are conditioned by society and the media, by “the world” in general. Being tempted or manipulated into “forgetting” is a big part of all this, and it reminds me that the House of Justice reminds us in last year’s Ridvan Message of 2011, that we should remember “that there are interests which manipulate the course of events.” Well, I intend to do my best, not to forget anything, and intend to continue chanting “Allah’u’Abha” 95 times daily to help in that. I feel as if this daily chant, strengthens me, makes me independent of all created things, restores my humanity daily and maintains a high level of mental health. Later I go to my Thursday Ward Round. I missed it by being late last week, so that it was rearranged to Monday. Together with the Ward Round, are an additional interview with a female Dr Moore at 13:00, and at 14:30 a Tribunal Hearing concerning my Section 3 and accompanying CTO (Community Treatment Order). Its not so much these that I am appealing against, but rather the assumptions that my “illness” is as is traditionally assumed according to orthodox psychiatric philosophy, and my asserttion that I ought to be given the right and the opportunity to explore the possibilities of my “illness” being very different, namely a spiritual state, albeit disturbed and problematic, which is indicative of unhelpful and unhealthy factors in my environment. Speculation as to what these factors are, especially in the absence of any accepted orthodox evidence makes the whole situation more difficult however, and my ability top be listened to with respect, all the more unlikely. I have found that ceratin doctors, mostly male, such as Drs Geddes, Rule, O’Leary and Merson HAVE started to listen to me over time, sometimes despite apparently being leaned on, whereas Drs Norman-Knott and Pandit have not. I have also found that amongst the GPs, the difference of whether being listened to or not, has not fallen into this pattern. Dr Nina Cartwright and Dr Suzanne Stewart DID listen, whereas many male GPs did not. Maybe all generalisations just like analogies break down when you get into too much detail.

1406) Yawn. June 19, 2012

Posted by pete1844 in Uncategorized.
3 comments

Tuesday, 19th June 2012 AD

Got up as intended, but felt tired – Quetiapine? – and went back to bed and slept all morning, until a US call centre woke me up and promptly hung up after I said “Hello” in a sleepy kind of voice. Now to try again. There’s the Interfaith Friendship Walk to look forward to later.

1405) Getting Routinized, for the Umpteenth Time June 18, 2012

Posted by pete1844 in Uncategorized.
3 comments

Monday, 18th June 2012 AD

I relatively good, early start to the day, with a ward round at lunchtime to have an interview with my psychological professionals. There is the slight waking up to anxiety usually every morning to report; there is the disjointedness between positive and neagative emotions occupying the same heart and though not fighting to the death for supremacy, nevertheless over an uneasy truce, eyeing each other with deep distrust and suspicion. The most intense truce concerning my feelings about the Faith itself, the truce kept up by an indomitable admission by both sides that the Faith is true, and the emotions, given that fact, fighting over whether to have any faith and trust in it, after the last 6 years. The rational honest broker asks continually for empirical proof, and in its absence asks for the benefit of the doubt, but the heart asks for empirical proof that can justify the faith and trust in something that seems over 37 years to have done little but enable me to survive, for what? A recent admission is that any negativity can in part be laid at the door of seeking a scapegoat, rather than an actual criminal. Though the suspicion of criminals goes on as before as well, without an empirical proof. The interpretation of facts swings, in the lack of empirical information, crazily between positive and negative, and the indecisiveness between the two is pathetic, annoying and an appalling waste of my time.

1404) Herro! June 17, 2012

Posted by pete1844 in Uncategorized.
2 comments

Sunday, 17th June 2010 AD

So, what to write and what about? Watching Michael Parkinson interviewing Frankie Howard in 1971, a documentary about Philip K Dick by Sir Ridley Scott on Quest 38. But why write about tele? Any other significance to being alive in 2012 as a human being? No, not really. After starting in 1961 with Supercar, life for me has been defined by tele. The back-story philosophy of AP Films even determined my choice of religion at age 19. The question is for me, “Who has been writing TV, and why?” Any possible conspiracy, long-term, to point mankind in a particular direction, using TV as a propaganda tool, like telscreens in “1984”? Ask Alex Jones. He’s done all the research, analysing government white papers from the year dot. “And that’s all I have to say about that”. (At the moment, anyway).