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1710607/20140630a) Who Am I? June 30, 2014

Posted by pete1844 in Diary.
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 10:35, BST (British Summer Time)

Kamal, 7th Rahmat, 171 BE
Perfection, Kalimat of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Monday, 30th June 2014 AD
 

10:37. Who am I when no one’s watching? Totally independent of all people, watching the environment with a substantial attention to detail, but not watching primarily with my intellect, or heart, but with my intuition, feeling what I observe or perceive. Since my feelings are paramount, I AM alive, though not necessarily particularly spiritual, rather distant from any spiritual perception, socially isolated, detached and dissociated, silent in relation to others, happy to be on my own, alone, at arms length from God, just watching, wondering what is going on on The Earth, learning primarily from the TV, the Net and books, pruriently fascinated with the spectacle of a tottering, collapsing civilisation.

10:45. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10154485212810001&set=vb.350988760000&type=2&theater

11:30.

BILL HAS GONE AND DONE IT AGAIN…

They’re standing on the corner and they can’t speak English.
I can’t even talk the way these people talk:
Why you ain’t,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be…
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.
And then I heard the father talk.
Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can’t be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we’ve got these knuckleheads walking around.
The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.
These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.
$500 sneakers for what?
And they won’t spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2?
Where were you when he was 12?
Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn’t know that he had a pistol?
And where is the father? Or who is his father?
People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn’t that a sign of something gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn’t that a sign of something?

Isn’t it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from??
We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don’t know a thing about Africa …..

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.
I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don’t have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany , Scotland , England , Ireland , or the Netherlands . The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa . So stop, already! ! !
With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ……… And all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem.
We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different ‘husbands’ — or men or whatever you call them now.
We have millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can’t write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.
Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.
We have to start holding each other to a higher standard..
We cannot blame the white people any longer.’

~Dr.. William Henry ‘Bill’ Cosby, Jr., Ed..D.””

11:31. This is interesting. It reminds me of vaguely radicalised Muslims deliberately showing that they are NOT western, by growing “two fisted” beards or wearing a niqab or burqa. They are showing their contempt for the corruption of the white western culture, which is fine, but in doing so, they are throwing the baby out with the bath water. Having a revulsion of western corruption is fine, but in order to combat it, let’s not lose our intelligence, let’s have a high standard of language, let’s get an education and be smart enough to realise when that education is western propaganda, and when the education is helping us understand the truth, let’s be religious and access the Word of God, but have the intelligence not to swallow the false interpretations of the Word of God emanating from a corrupt priesthood. There ARE ways to combat western corruption and propaganda, which do NOT turn us into illiterate idiots who have no capacity for critical rational thought.

12:14. Alas, I fear a dastardly plot to undermine religion globally, by throwing Saudi petro-dollars at extreme Wahabiism, putting niqabs on Muslim women and giving Muslim men two fisted beards globally, with little learning of the Holy Qur’an, and the same in the other faiths, such as throwing shedloads of money at creationism and literalist Christianity. All the scholarship sidelined and forgotten. The true religionists, with little power, money and influence will have a hard and long battle with the elite, to try to keep religion erudite and intelligent, I fear.

11:48. Caliph = Successor to Muhammad (570?-632 AD). Okay, Ali, Hassan, Husayn, 8 following descendents of Muhammad, the “Imams” ending with the 11th in 260 AH. Then 4 “Bab”s, representatives of the 12th Imam, then nothing until the Napoleonic Wars, and Shaykh Ahmad, then Siyyid Kasim, then the 12th Imam from 1260 AH, the Qa’im, the Mahdi, the Bab (1819-1850 AD), Then Baha’u’llah (1817-1892 AD), then ‘Abdu’l-Baha (1844-1921 AD), then Shoghi Effendi, the Guardian (1921-1957), then the “custodians”, the Hands of the Cause, (1957-1963 AD), then the Universal House of Justice (1963- at least 2852 AD).

12:18.  http://www.infowars.com/top-nsa-officials-u-s-has-turned-into-stasi-germany-or-soviet-union/

12:21. http://www.infowars.com/the-global-meltdown-has-begun/

17:50. Who’s laughing now! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azq40dxzZAs

19:15. Someone once said circa 2007, that we are going to a different universe. Its clear to me that in that sentence, the word “we” does not include me. I have been left behind. That different universe is, as someone else said, a solar system on the other side of the galaxy, identical to this one. Its a relative paradise, to to get entry to which, one must have a pure heart and a good character, alas, things I do not possess. So I am stuck back here with all the other goats, while the pure hearted sheep, regularly transit to the other reality and build there the Kingdom of God on Earth, whereas in this world where I am stuck, it is a relative hell, where wars are destroying everything, and on this planet, those left behind will get to the Lesser Peace the hard way. If all the Baha’is were allegedly killed, it would probably mean that they had permanently transited to the New Earth, such as the children at the end of “Knowing” where they would have the same Earth as this, but since all the pure-hearted souls were there, they would get to the Lesser Peace, the easy way. If all the Baha’is except one were killed, or in other words, if they all transited to the good Earth except one, that one soul would have the power to establish the ascendancy of the faith over the whole bad Earth, but it would be a very lonely honour. As in the Dr Who episode “Hide”, I am indeed NOT happy.

19:42. It all boils down to whether we feel that we have won God’s good pleasure and that He is happy with us. If we do not feel confident of that, as I don’t, then there is nothing that can make amends for that, and no improvement is possible. If a person feels that their section of society is held in contempt by the ruling elite, whether working class white Brits, or ethnic minorities in the USA who are marginalised and whose culture is ignored, how can such people feel accepted by God? To me that seems impossible. How does a person believe that they are not being judged and punished by God? How does redemption work? If we feel damned, and have never felt accepted, how can that situation change? I have no idea, even though I’ve been a Baha’i for 39 years.

22:35. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VucczIg98Gw  I never believed any of it (what they teach in school); instead I believed in the vision of Gerry Anderson, and later Bobby Kennedy. From an early age, I was convinced that all people in the real world lie through their teeth all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

1710606/20140629a) A Wash-Out. June 29, 2014

Posted by pete1844 in Diary.
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 06:47, BST (British Summer Time)

Jamal, 6th Rahmat, 171 BE
Beauty, Mercy of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Sunday, 29th June 2014 AD

 

 

 

 

06:45. Left the UN Forum 2014 at 11:00 after one hour, since all the participants were dishonestly lying through their teeth about what is going on in the world. Even if telling the truth would result in cultural shock and social disorientation I still object in principle to being told a load of crap, and expecting me to lie through my teeth as well, pretending that I believe the lies are truth. To get an explanation of why the world’s leaders are constantly lying through their teeth, listen to Scene 9 of the above film, “2001: A Space Odyssey”, where Dr Heywood Floyd defends lying through his teeth to scientists on the Clavius Moon-base.

06:48. Cycled from Kidlington to Oxford and back, and from Victoria, London, to the Methodist Central Hall, Westminster, and back. Walked from Arnos Grove to the GG and back, too. (Can’t take my bike on the London Tube, as I CAN on the Oxford Tube (bus)).

06:49. It wasn’t far at all. Oxford and back, I often do, and when I was working, at least 5 times a week, and in London, just at either end of Victoria Street. After leaving the UN Forum, at Arnos Grove, it was raining cats and dogs, so no open prayer book at the GG, only a barely remembered Tablet of Ahmad, minus the last paragraph, so THAT was a wash-out too. More time at home on my own, I think. Consultation by e-mail has dried up, so at the moment, only my blog, and FB is left, plus a chat with the NHS once every 6 weeks.

06:51. Putting on my rational thinking head for a moment, I can appreciate that our “realities” are quite incompatible, and for us to try to consult about the subject is therefore counter-productive. And my reality is tied up with a plethora of emotions, some negative, some positive. And the emotions affect my sense of judgement too. Whether or not I can believe your explanation depends what head I’ve got on. One head definitely doesn’t believe you, another head is more trusting. There are a community of heads, which makes me more complicated, I suppose. There’s a whole spectrum of emotions which affect my rational thinking, and make it subjective, not objective, at times. For example, objectively I can see that the UHJ is as in The Writings, and the source of mankind’s redemption, and objectively no information can be found to challenge that. Subjectively, there are negative emotions that have no rational explanation, only a deep disappointment, and a sense of having been betrayed, (no evidence), just feelings. So there is a disconnect there. Objective and subjective feelings contradicting each other and occupying space in the same psyche. I suppose for some the cognitive dissonance involved there would be difficult to live with. But I’ve found that living with cognitive dissonance is getting quite easy. By having a community of heads, perhaps.

06:55. No, in “Lights of Guidance”, it shows that his understanding of psychological issues and his sympathy for those suffering with them, was an indication of an attitude very different from those of Adib and his wife. That’s MY perception, anyway. Perhaps MY perception is always suspect, but then, that’s part of the whole deal isn’t it. The thought ocurred to me that I fell the connection is getting more tenuous because I FEEL that any friendship I have with other Baha’is, will always be coloured by your communication with them. Although I have no information to back up my intuition, my intuitive perception remains, evidence or not. The trouble is that I have to work with my feelings as well as my logic. And with feelings relegated to the agenda of things not to be consulted about, consulting with you using logic alone, is just like consulting with my father. No progress allowed and my feelings becoming worse. If no one else is no longer available for consultation, it seems my options re the Faith are almost completely over and out.

06:58. Ok, just e-mails then. My connections with the Faith seem to be gradually getting more and more tenuous, as I become closer to my own true self. I suppose it reflects the attitudes to those with psychological issues of such as Adib and Ruhiyyih Khanum. I might wish in vain that the Community had the attitude rather of Shoghi Effendi. Such is life.I suppose when resources are few, triage has to be calculated, to use the resources of the Faith in the areas with the highest chance of success. I might hope that I am wrong, but I doubt it.

06:59. A distinction has to be made amongst the emotions. The negative emotions which are so damaging have been frozen, and tend to come back to the surface in my bad dreams, and which are the direct result of the situation in which the coping mechanism was invented. No toddler can deal with such negative emotions so they were put on ice. The waiting room proffered some emotional support, such as enjoying GerryAnderson’s educative entertainment, while I was waiting. Avoiding the negative emotions of bad dreams involves avoiding the triggers to those emotions, an avoiding which I am becoming much more adept at. Enjoying the emotions of the waiting room is a welcome temporary support and satisfaction. In the whole process, my intellect is working away- my mother once said to me, “You think you’re clever don’t you?”- and searching for ways to deal with the frozen past, and looking for that  new situation, when the emotions need no longer be swept under the carpet, and can be released. A newer perception is that one factor which is an essential feature of my psychology, is the conflict between two sets of values, the conflict,   which is often in black and white, between realities, Gerry Anderson’s world, and Dad’s world. There are many over simplifications and generalisations in this perceived conflict, which are rigidly held views not willingly subjectable to challenge. The bottom line dogma is therefore, Dad’s world is bad, Gerry Anderson’s world is good, and compromise on this point is not on the agenda.

07:04. Yes, that makes sense. However, it seems I AM making progress, and putting statements on my blog to show my train of thought. The dichotomy   in my personality is real, and has been necessary as a coping mechanism. The detachment between intellect and emotions has been of paramount importance, and effectiveness of the coping mechanism. This mechanism is simply a waiting room, in which to live, whilst waiting for a social space to arrive in which my emotions can be developed, after a case of arrested development, not of the intellect, which developed fine, but the emotions which by maybe 1964 were frozen. More on myblog.

07:06, Awoke with the same negative emotions this morning, and eventually papered over it with a thin veneer of “activity”, stimulated by accessing the Net, and switching on RT on TV, and doing my now daily online banking reconciliation, which activity now enables me to much more easily spot mistakes, and discount the knee-jerk, programmed conclusion that the mistake lies with the online banking balance, or a malfunction in my calculator, by more easily identifying my own mistakes of miskeying on my calculator. The consciousness that everything except pure futility and despair, is just a veneer papering over a true me that is unacceptable to every other human being, is becoming increasingly clear and obvious. Also the determination that to be honest and to have integrity, the nature of that papering over with a false thin veneer, has to be known, explained and accepted by all who know me, is becoming clear as well. As a result, no one is ringing or visiting me, except 2.

07:10. “O God! Dispel all those elements which are the cause of discord, and prepare for us all those things which are the cause of unity and accord! O God! Descend upon us Heavenly Fragrance and change this gathering into a gathering of Heaven! Grant to us every benefit and every food. Prepare for us the Food of Love! Give to us the Food of Knowledge! Bestow upon us the Food of Heavenly Illumination! In your hearts remember these things, and then enter the Unity Feast.” (Compilations, The Compilation of Compilations vol. I, p. 429). As in “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hare!” and “It’ll all come out in the wash”, getting myself washed out of the Community of the Most Great Name, since after triage, I’m more of a liability than an asset, seems to be the order of yesterday. I’ll be taking a break from people who have a style of thinking, and an inherent coping mechanism, incompatible with mine. It’s a pity, but all the available options not to withdraw from a situation which has no other solution have been exhausted. Maybe after living exclusively in Gerry Anderson’s world for a while, I will crave something of the real world, Dad’s world, but I doubt it. It might get lonely here, but at least my mind will no longer be kicked, prodded and double-bound with cognitive dissonance, as in “Dad’s world”.

16:38. Watching “The Golden Child” starring Eddie Murphy, looking for clues. Woah, The Golden Child is BALD! Not like Clara Oswald, then. Oh, so THAT is where The Hum comes from, from the evil bearded one! No more consulting Sado Numspar.

19:36. 47 hits yesterday, and all that was new was a photo of Alan Tracy and Tin Tin! I wonder what the hell is going on.

20:58. “Honi soit qui mal y pense”? Those that are are those that think evil? This slogan was on the screen of Sky News behind Keith Vaz MP around some official Crown symbol. What hypocrisy! Its like Big Brother or an American official spokesperson preaching to the public to be well behaved whilst lying through their teeth continually about what’s going on in the world. Bastards!

21:17. The REAL News. http://www.infowars.com/isis-run-out-of-u-s-embassy-in-turkey/

21:21. The only way to stop it, civil unrest, that is; tell the f– TRUTH.  http://www.infowars.com/martin-armstrong-warns-civil-unrest-is-rising-everywhere-this-wont-end-pretty/

01:06. Mind you, telling the public that we are undergoing an alien invasion might make things worse.

21:23. A nice map of Ukraine. http://www.infowars.com/fighting-flares-in-eastern-ukraine-despite-extended-ceasefire/

21:24. So FB won’t share Infowars articles? No problem, I’ll access the urls from their web-site.

23:34. Tweet. Watching Monty Python documentary by Yentob. So this is my Tweet, and I’m not dead, just still pining for the Norwegian blue.

23:36. In a Yorkshire accent, “Come the Revolution…”

23:44. Tweet. To me, going to a meeting is like going to WHSmiths. When I was younger, there would be a nice display of Matchbox toys.

00:57. Tweet. Watching “The Invasion” starring Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. Many a true word said by sci fi writers.

Mind you, telling the public that we are undergoing an alien invasion might make things worse, in terms of civil unrest. How to wage war against an alien invasion? Maybe not letting the aliens know how much we know might stand us in better stead. As in “The Invasion”, pretending that you’ve been taken over, might increase the survival chances of staying human.

01:03. Anyone else feel as though they are surrounded by people who seem to be in a strange sleep? As in “The Invasion”, “Invasion of the Bodysnatchers” and “They Live”?

01:17. Why did Mr Hofman say that we’re not allowed to teach the Faith in England? Because the aliens don’t want true human beings to in charge of the Faith in this country?

01:25. A cartoon in a UFO magazine. A couple look across the waves of the English Channel towards the white cliffs of Dover, where atop the cliffs, several Daleks are trundling around shouting, “Excommunicate! Excommunicate!” One of the couple says to the other, “Bugger, now even the aliens have got religion!” If an alien invasion had secured a bridge-head in England, once it became public knowledge, THAT would be a good reason for a blockade by Soviet submarines.

01:25. So, why am I immune from being taken over by the alien invasion? Don’t know. Perhaps being on neuroleptics for over 35 years has immunised me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1710605/20140628a) Thunderbird Six. June 27, 2014

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  –:–, BST (British Summer Time)

Jalal, 5th Rahmat, 171 BE
Independence, Grandeur of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Saturday, 28th June 2014 AD

19:23. Sunday 29th June 2014 AD. The plan for today was to go to the UN Forum 2014 at Methodist Central Hall, Westminster, change into “smart” clothes, attend from 10:00 to about 18:00, taking notes, and then return home. Due to one-way streets, it took me much longer to get there, no time to change, listened for one hour, perceived that they were all going to stick to the official narrative, laced with lies, so decided my time and money would be better spent at the Guardian’s Grave. However Baha’u’llah seems to want his followers to at least appear to believe that official narrative is the truth, and as I was leaving MCH it started to drissle, and by the time I arrived at Arnos Grove, it was bucketing down, and didn’t stop until I was back on the Tube to Victoria. So, to avoid getting any prayer books wet, I tried to recite the Tablet of Ahmad, the only prayer I know off by heart, and couldn’t remember the last paragraph. Had a nice time talking to Mr Feri Saberian, a temporary caretaker whilst Mr Alaee is on holiday. It seemed to me that from the first time I had gone there, circa 1975, nothing had changed in my life. My life has been a waste of time, and I have been a waste of space. All the negativity seems to have been accurate, and all the goodness, just a mirage of a dream. The perception in 1976 that scared me so witless, that I was on my way to hell, seems to have borne out, the only different being that the fear is gone.

20:56. Tuesday 1st July 2014 AD. Alan Tracy and Tin Tin find their feet together right at the end of Thunderbirds in the last ever story, in the feature film, “Thunderbird Six”, in which, before the maiden voyage of a new type of air-ship invented and designed by Brains, (Hyram P Hackenbacker III), they go on a trip around the world together in a yellow with red stripes Tiger Moth bi-plane., which at the end of the film is christened, Thunderbird Six. Here’s the url of the film on You Tube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_z_Cz-k9yE

 

1710604/20140627a) Gerry Anderson’s World Without End. June 27, 2014

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 16:47, BST (British Summer Time)

Istiqlal, 4th Rahmat, 171 BE
Independence, Grandeur of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Friday, 27th June 2014 AD

 

 


16:47. A newer perception is that one factor which is an essential feature of my psychology, is the conflict between two sets of values, the conflict, which is often in black and white, between realities, Gerry Anderson’s world, and Dad’s world. There are many over simplifications and generalisations in this perceived conflict, which are rigidly held views not willingly subjectable to challenge. The bottom line dogma is therefore, Dad’s world is bad, Gerry Anderson’s world is good, and compromise on this point is not on the agenda.

17:16. I think an important factor in this situation, is that my personality is not integrated; its not exactly fragmented, but is definitely a variety of hats, or masks, which have internal consistency, but are substantially separate from each other and have features that are different or contrary to other hats or masks. There is no “me” that can be identified with certain characteristics, that is in charge of the whole situation. Its more like a team effort, a group of “me”s that have different functions in different situation, or different relationships.

17:17. If I don’t have much to lose and also even less to fear, then my question is about what positive factors am I willing to accept or receive? My perception is that I am very fussy and selective about what I am willing to accept, and if things are only on offer that I am not willing to receive, then I would prefer to have nothing. This is perhaps about “bringing myself down to poverty” and NOT being content with what God has decreed for me. But then, I am trying to be honest about myself. If I am not content with what God has ordained for me, and will not accept that, then I would rather have nothing, than accept those things that God has ordained for me that I do not want. Maybe I AM bringing myself down to poverty. But at least I am being honest about how I feel.

23:47. Nothing on TV, nothing on FB newsfeed, nothing socially, no one to e-mail, no one to phone. No way forward, no way back, no where to go, no role to play. How to break the stalemate? If there is nothing “out there”, then the only direction is inside, introspection. Some ritual purification or brainwashing through doing the washing up. So, what now? Write! To the blog! So what do I want to write about. GA World! World Without End! A world of heroes, who are vulnerably human, though played by SuperMarionation fibre-glass puppets, but nevertheless heroes, saving the good from the evil of the bad. Often trigger-happy, often seeing in black and white, but having a MORALITY, a sense of virtue, goodness, honesty, truthfulness, integrity, and what can be better than that? A human being with the same qualities, such as No 6! Says Y, “you’re basically refusing to taste a different dish? To me that seems incredibly set in your own ways … really old people do that, not kids.” No, I was like this as a child, set in my ways, and refusing to compromise one iota from my chosen path, no matter what the cost. I have always been therefore an “old” person, set in my ways. Always clinging with stubborn defiance to the emotional attachments that were formed in my earliest years. So back to Super Marionation puppets. But to me they were not puppets, they were real. Real characters, with real virtue, heroic, moral, honest and truthful, unselfish, committed to making the world a better place, no matter what the cost. Devoted utterly to their ideals, prepared to make the greatest sacrifice, at the drop of a hat, such as that race in “The Quiet Man”, when to win the heart of Irish fire-brand Maureen O’Hara, Irishman brought up as a boxer in the United States, back in Eire, John Wayne, has to give her the impression he’s going after someone else, to manipulate the minds of her relatives who refuse to give her permission to be with him. And the race starts with the drop of a hat. But would I ever allow No 6 to think I was interested in anyone else? No. I would not do that. Other people around me socially might do anything. I cannot fathom their thoughts or actions. All I can see is No 6, far away, self-contained, happy as Larry, busy, prosperous, cloaked in a veil of secrecy, abominably dense, impenetrable, unreachable, incommunicado, as desirable as ever, her beauty as indescribable and as beyond words as ever. And here the pen breaks. Always. No words forthcoming. Just a resigned acceptance, with downcast countenance, accepting her wishes, obeying her instructions, but my heart and mind set on nothing else, but her being. Why? I have no idea. Maybe its just love, pure and simple, nothing more, nothing less. Why? Because she tutored me in Book 5 and I witnessed her spirit at work, at service, at play, and I lost myself in her presence. And everything else is just mundane, boring, inconsequential detail. The only other factor visible, Baha’u’llah, looking on from above, in control of all, watching all, letting His wisdom, His Will, let all play out in its own good time, His good time, infinitely patient, infinitely knowing, infinitely wise, our own two hearts and souls like frightened birds in our own two cages, fluttering, alarmed, waiting for release, in His hands. Maybe she is not frightened, but serenely confident, watching, waiting, singing her song, having a far greater strength than me, an indomitable faith in Him, having an inner peace that passes my understanding. So, what is there to write now, “Birdy”? Are you just sitting on your haunches, in your prison cell, typing this, totally vulnerable, totally open, regarded by the system as a mere head-case? Paul McCartney’s “fool on the hill”, watching the world wind itself into World War 3, not liked by all the people living in a different world, people, not birds. Or just “Little Pete”, craving feminine kindness, from Mum saying prayers with me every night, until other things took her time away, my siblings, so her prayers, eventually found a successor in GA, and I became a GAP, a Gerry Anderson Production. And then that feminine kindness appeared next door in Alison who moved to Watford, and the other neighbour, Linda, then Gillian around the corner in Well Meadow Gardens, and there was an Ingrid, a Jennifer, and then AGS, and the High Street down the road and “No 1” Nicola, part Dutch, part Scientologist, and then at Readymix, Jenny, No 2, and she was interested in the Baha’i Faith, a bit, but not much, and then the Baha’i girls, 3 to 6, whom I doted on, and then friends 7 to 9, and that poster in Banbury station which read 6 plus 6 equals 10. And “10”, or “6, part 2”, or the real No 1, is what I wait for, to replace a Mum who seemed to abandon me so many years ago, and whose prayers before sleep, found their successors in Gerry Anderson, NASA, Bobby Kennedy and The Baha’i Faith. The Baha’i Faith which seems to offer the promise of tying together all the loose ends and making me whole again, integrated, as in the dream, “For Integration, go to lecture room 60, not lecture room 16”. And THAT dream is another paragraph.

The year “60” was 1260 AH, or 1844 AD, when the Baha’i Faith started in Persia. The 16th of November was the day I was born in 1955. So, integration is from Baha’u’llah, not from the self. And also, in relation to No 6. No 6, comes first followed by me, a zero, who is selfless, or trying to be selfless. The answer is NOT 16, in which I come first, followed by her. THAT is NOT on the cards. SHE wears the trousers, and I must not forget it. And if others think I am weak for not being in control, hear the FB slogan, “If you are with someone you can’t control, you’ve got a good one”. And anyway, there is a strong vein of feminism in me that runs counter to male chauvinism very strongly, started by Grandpa, (Arthur James) Victor Rose, circa 1894 to 1969, whose attitude to women, his mother back from India, alone, living in a bungalow in Scarborough, his wife Nelly, his daughter, my mum, Sylvia, was an attitude of deep appreciation and respect. He was decades ahead of his time, and as such very much unappreciated by many of those around him, except such as me, and Mum. And the 1 to 6 were ALL very strong women, who had quite a strong grip on their lives, their realities. In the tradition perhaps of “Mrs Emma Peel” in “The Avengers”, Sarah Connor in “The Terminator”, Ellen Ripley in “Aliens” etc etc, not to mention the likes of Dr Who’s companions such as Amy Pond, River Song, Rose Tyler, Donna Noble, and now this impossible Clara OsWALD OsWIN.

1710603/20140626a) Earliest newscast, second only Tokyo Olympics. June 26, 2014

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 11:03, BST (British Summer Time)

Istijlal, 3rd Rahmat, 171 BE
Majesty, Beauty of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Thursday, 26th June 2014 AD

 

 

11:04.

This is the earliest newscast that I can remember having seen on TV, second only to the lilting music on the BBC coverage of the Tokyo Olympics in 1964. The above newscast is the first American EVA (Extra Vehicular Activity), or space-walk, in 1965, with Gemini 4, performed by astronaut Ed White.

http://www.space.com/26352-ed-white-performs-first-us-spacewalk.html?cmpid=514630_20140625_26685116

01:35. http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00lmsb0/timewatch-20002001-the-empire-state-story

Famous last words of this documentary, “An enduring symbol of the American Dream”. For me, that will be World Peace, the oneness of mankind and the First World Federal Government.

10:55. My perception is that the real me, behind all the masks of social acceptability, is someone with no godly values, no relationship with God, no ability to relate to others, except from behind a false mask, and no prospects of any destiny except perdition and loss, and no prospects of any change from this.

10:37. Awoke with the same negative emotions this morning, and eventually papered over it with a thin veneer of “activity”, stimulated by accessing the Net, and switching on RT on TV, and doing my now daily online banking reconciliation, which activity now enables me to much more easily spot mistakes, and discount the knee-jerk, programmed conclusion that the mistake lies with the online banking balance, or a malfunction in my calculator, by more easily identifying my own mistakes of miskeying on my calculator. The consciousness that everything except pure futility and despair, is just a veneer papering over a true me that is unacceptable to every other human being, is becoming increasingly clear and obvious. Also the determination that to be honest and to have integrity, the nature of that papering over with a false thin veneer, has to be known, explained and accepted by all who know me, is becoming clear as well. As a result, no one is ringing or visiting me, except 2, so my social isolation is also becoming clear. Still no solution is sight, and increasingly, not expected. It looks to me that my destination is perdition and loss, and that there is no likelihood of an alternative.

Monday, 23 June 2014, 00:23. It seems to me that no matter how bleak the emotions experienced on waking are, for life in general, embodying the cognitive dissonance of two sets of values at the same time, that is, knowing of the core foundation of despair and alienation, and at the same time, giving a bare minimum of attention to the basic necessities of life, is doable, despite the potential disconnect between them. And since there are no sources of reconciliation on the horizon, there seems no end in sight, to the imperative of living with the two sets of values, at the same time.
Wednesday, 18 June 2014, 14:02. Woke up today facing up to a deep depth in my hatred of being alive. Under all the play-acting to placate the psychopathic bastards who rule the world, I am beginning to face up to what is in my core, a deep hatred of being alive, and wanting to cease to exist, a deeply held conviction that for me being alive is not a precious gift but a curse, which I have never wanted or accepted. All I want is for this curse to stop, and for me to cease to exist, or failing that, to be allowed to go to hell, asap. Still being alive is the worst punishment. When is it going to stop?

Thursday, 26th June 2014, 16:19. Therefore, during the collapse, I will undoubtedly be found to be a “waste of space” and not worth being allowed to survive, since I am part of the problem, because I haven’t found a way to be a part of the solution. All the Baha’is know this, and therefore do not interact with me. There’s just no point in doing so. Once the welter of a collapsing civilisation is underway, all I will do therefore, is to watch it on TV until I starve. This is my perception, anyway.

16:53. A more common quandry in reality is “If Seven were Nine” as in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, where the meaning life is allegedly 42 which is 6 x SEVEN, even though a small number of professional service industry operatives allege (rightly in my opinion) that it is 54 which is 6 x NINE. Also in the Qur’an, every aya or verse is traditionally alleged to have at least 2 witnesses, except just 2 verses, which have just 1 witness each, and which two verses are regarded by some as suspect. And these 2 verses are from Sura or chapter 9, the last two verses, 128 and 129, which begs the question of whether the complete Revelation is with the Qur’an, and do we need TWO more Manifestations? Also, in the sci fi series, “Defying Gravity” which ran for only one season, a spacecraft is sent to do a grand tour of the solar system to pick up alien artifacts one from each planet, a bit like collecting “monoliths”, except that in this series, at least in the first season, they are planning to pick up SEVEN starting with Venus, and oddly omit to include TWO, Neptune and Uranus from their list of destinations. Clearly, for many, to add TWO to SEVEN to get NINE is a prickly issue. As in Hitchhikers, either way, SIX is part of the equation, but the big question is whether or not a person adds The Bab and Baha’u’llah to the mix. As in Hitchhikers, I, as a service provider with skills fairly useless during and after the welter of a collapsing civilisation, find that my vote is definitely 54, or NINE times Six.

16:56. BTW, my house number, 69, the Year of Moon, is such that its a case of “He would say that, wouldn’t he!”

17:07.

9:128. Now hath an Apostle come unto you from among yourselves: your iniquities press heavily upon him. He is careful over you, and towards the faithful, compassionate, merciful.

9:129. If they turn away, Say: God sufficeth me: there is no God but He. In
Him put I my trust. He is the possessor of the Glorious Throne!

(The Qur’an (Rodwell tr), Sura 9 – Immunity)

17:15. If 7 becoming 9 concerns Islam, perhaps 6 becoming 9 concerns Christianity, and 5 becoming 9 concerns Israel. Just asking.

21:58. Realised that you’re a case of arrested development, or perhaps you are about to become one, and don’t know what to do. Maybe you feel that there are no opportunities in your childhood social space to process your emotions, and find that the only thing you can do is to suppress them by sweeping them under the carpet, until such time as your social spaces CAN help you process them. But don’t worry. While you’re waiting all you have to do is to use your wits to create an agreeable waiting room, in which to live, until the situation changes. Here’s how to do that. There are some major features and principles, or concepts in creating this waiting room. A world view or theory of everything. A temporary source of comfort and solace. A source of motivation for the future, a raison d’etre even. A solution that is bullet-proof concerning the present threats which necessitated an artificial waiting room in the first place. So, put your emotions on ice; freeze them. Or else, put some elements in the waiting room that will keep you emotionally entertained for the interim. I would aver that the strategy which could be characterised as “Gerry Anderson, NASA, Bobby Kennedy, The Baha’i Faith” satisfied all these requirements very well. But the REAL solution, finding a social space with the requirements to satisfy all the emotional needs necessitating a waiting room in the first place, has been delayed, sabotaged and denied me systematically throughout.

22:46. It seems I AM making progress, and putting statements on my blog to show my train of thought. The dichotomy in my personality is real, and has been necessary as a coping mechanism. The detachment between intellect and emotions has been of paramount importance, and effectiveness of the coping mechanism. This mechanism is simply a waiting room, in which to live, whilst waiting for a social space to arrive in which my emotions can be developed, after a case of arrested development, not of the intellect, which developed fine, but the emotions which by maybe 1964 were frozen.

23:07. A distinction has to be made amongst the emotions. The negative emotions which are so damaging have been frozen, and tend to come back to the surface in my bad dreams, and which are the direct result of the situation in which the coping mechanism was invented. No toddler can deal with such negative emotions so they were put on ice. The waiting room proffered some emotional support, such as enjoying Gerry Anderson’s educative entertainment, while I was waiting. Avoiding the negative emotions of baddreams involves avoiding the triggers to those emotions, an avoiding which I am becoming much more adept at. Enjoying the emotions of the waiting room is a welcome temporary support and satisfaction. In the whole process, my intellect is working away- my mother once said to me, “You think you’re clever don’t you?”- and searching for ways to deal with the frozen past, and looking for that new situation, when the emotions need no longer be swept under the carpet, and can be released.

23:43. There are more than one set of emotions within me. For the negative emotions of my bad dreams, what I wrote above is true. But there is another set of emotions, the set, not associated with how my dad made me feel in the real world, but the set of emotions of how I felt, when safe within my fantasy world of GA, NASA, Bobby and Baha. THAT set of emotions is defiantly optimistic, and CAN win, if maybe I have friends who I believe can help me deal with “the real world”, a world I secretly feel I can’t cope with on my own.

23:49. One problem people have with me is that although my intellect is quite “clever”, my emotions are NOT appropriate, there’s the negative set that is appropriate to being bullied in the real world, defensive and pessimistic, and then their are the emotions of the child delighting in escapist fantasies appropriate to a child. Both are unacceptable to the adults around me. That is the problem. And my task lies in trying to find a social environment in which my immature emotions can develop into those of an adult, not a social space that is easy to find.

 

 

22:04. I wonder if “The International” starring Clive Owen is about the BIS (Bank of International Settlements).

 

1710602/20140625a) Quite remarkably trigger-happy. June 25, 2014

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17:14, BST (British Summer Time)

‘Idal, 2nd Rahmat, 171 BE
Justice, Glory of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Wednesday, 25th June 2014 AD

 

 

17:14. Quite remarkable, as David Coleman would say. I’m quite remarkably trigger-happy, just like Commander Shore in episode 1 of Stingray, ordering missiles to bomb the area to eliminate a possible threat, at the drop of a hat. And emotionally, I seem to be programmed, on the least possible evidence or even lack of evidence, to respond with immediate hostility, a hair-trigger alert, watching out for the smallest perceivable possibility that a hidden threat is lurking, ready to zap me. This is the paranoia of a 2 year-old whose whole world, is his own sense of insecurity, who has, from bitter experience, absolutely no trust or faith in his parents. And suddenly, I can’t be bothered to write about this anymore. Back into the Gerry Anderson world, where I have quite a lot of freedom, where there are no threats, and where people who don’t like my way of life don’t matter. So, until its time to leave for the Castle DM/G, Music, maestro, Barry Gray, please, with headphones for added impact.

1710610/20140624a) The Courage to have Audacious Hope, Trust, Faith. June 23, 2014

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 06:33, BST (British Summer Time)

Fidal, 1st Rahmat, 171 BE
Grace, Splendour of Mercy
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Tuesday, 24th June 2014 AD

 

 

 

 

07:55.

23:55. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLrNK5ju4pY&feature=youtu.be

SHOCKER: Americans don’t trust news media

Could America be waking up? Could Americans be changing from water to water vapour, undergoing spiritual or at least political enlightenment, from such as Oliver Stone’s “The Untold History of the United States? Maybe the weapons of truth raining down from the airwaves on American cities is causing them to wake up in droves, and realise to what depths of corruption and degradation, their governments have fallen, perhaps ever since the coup of 1944 replacing Henry Wallace with Harry Truman as VP, or maybe earlier.

And from RT, “Americans trust news media less than ever, according to a new poll by Gallup. Confidence in newspapers is less than half of its 1979 peak of 51 percent, while trust in television news hit a new low of 18 percent. Is this due to the rise of infotainment, media concentration or another reason altogether? Ameera David RT News finds out by discussing the issue with Abby Martin, host of Breaking The Set, and producer Manuel Rapalo.”

07:49. http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/06/22/scientists-discover-that-fasting-triggers-stem-cell-regeneration-fights-cancer/

00:18. So, a three-way choice, a 19-Day Feast, a Unity Feast or a Qur’an Study Class. Which? I do not yet have any idea.

23:15. Transport to MECO was very easy, to Osney for the Oxford Feast slightly less so, and to the Unity Feast in Coombe, possibly very difficult to arrange, so I went to MECO, where a very good discussion took place over interfaith marriages and what the Qur’an says about them ignoring as always the hadith, with their alternative view of the Word of God being replaced by the word of men. Anyway, on the way home, allegedly as punishment for misusing my transport, my  bike, for going to MECO rather than the Baha’i Feast, I suffered a puncture on the bridge over the Northampton road and the railway to Birmingham, or is it Bicester. I couldn’t immediately figure out what had caused a catastrophic failure, and couldn’t see that I had sustained a puncture, so continued until near Yasen’s house in the Broad Way area, when it became obvious that my back tyre didn’t have enough pressure to get me home, so I wheeled it from there. Once home, with the help of a hammer together with a spanner, I eventually got the back wheel off, after seeing that the cause of the puncture was an old screw, perhaps an inch long, straight into the tyre at 90 degrees. It seemed unlikely that such a screw lying on the pavement could have found itself buried in the tyre at 90 degrees, so as usual suspected foul play, possibly an elitist fascist at St Edwards’ School expressing their revulsion of an Englishman no longer playing the rules and siding with the Qur’an against the West. So be it. I will take the wheel in tomorrow to get the puncture fixed, and by Thursday morning, maybe be back on the road, taking the lesson that in future a Baha’i 19 Day Feast trumps a Qur’an class, no matter how fascinating studying the Qur’an may be, and no matter how hostile I perceive my fellow- religionists to be to me.

06:33. The courage to overcome the fear of betrayal, as used to happen so often in the past, the courage to TRUST Baha’u’llah not to leave me with emotional desolation, after years when that desolation went on and on and on. The courage to believe that THIS time, everything will be alright, when there is NO evidence of that, and NO ONE will encourage me to believe, when everyone tells me that because there is no evidence, I MUST NOT trust that everything will be alright, because it will NEVER be alright, that there is NO REASON to hope, trust or have faith, and that I must welcome desolation and the mental illness that goes with it, with open arms, and BE HAPPY with desolation. The courage to believe that without any reason to do so, THIS TIME, Baha’u’llah will not abandon me; THAT courage which flies in the face of every other human being, flies in the face of all reason and evidence, and has to overcome the ingrained terrors of an abominable, atrocious childhood, is NOT easy to manufacture and believe in. All those years when my father bludgeoned into me the conviction that I was worthless, that the whole of the REAL world KNEW that I was worthless, including the God that had created the cosmos, and the only person who behaved as if I was okay, was a silent grandfather whose presence, though he didn’t say anything, I could expect to enjoy for only two weeks every year in Romford, until the age of 13. And the only ongoing solace was from a TV producer who didn’t know me, but whose SuperMarionation saved my life by giving me a dream to believe in though no one else in the real world to my knowledge acknowledged him, just numberless other small boys around the world who enjoyed his stories as ENTERTAINMENT. How many others leaned on his “entertainment” as a lifeline, a source of something to believe in, in a world as bleak as that suffered by Kay in “The Trial” by Franz Kafka. If I am to apologise for NOT trusting in Baha’u’llah and No 6, and NOT daring to hope that they would NOT abandon me, as has always happened in the past, then I will gladly apologise, and OFFER to explain why TRUSTING, having faith, was so difficult, given my fear of abandonment, given my habitual despair, given the utter desolation with the concomitant psychosis which followed, which was engrained into the depths of my soul for so many years. In those long years of emptiness, clinging to Grandpa, Victor Rose, clinging to Gerry Anderson’s TV, clinging to NASA putting Apollo astronauts on the Moon, clinging to a martyred Bobby Kennedy, and last but not least, clinging to the Baha’i Faith, held in contempt by all my family for NOT being English, by all my family expect my mother who tolerated it at best, and existing under the authority of a bullying father who held in contempt all I believed in, in the authority of the boarding school, which bullied me for not being posh and denied me access to Gerry Anderson, pushing me to study astronomy and NASA, anything to get away from this accursed planet Earth, an authority which pushed the same reality as my father, a reality held in the same contempt by me, as the dreams that that reality taught were worthless, the authority of the psychiatric ward, which saw the Baha’i Faith as a mere symptom of madness, and dismissed it as delusion, the authority of the Civil Service which seemed to expect me to treat the unemployed as vermin, and suppress any individuality or creativity in me as worthless. And then, when given a solution to all these problems by someone who seemed to me to be the most beautiful human being I had ever met, to be abandoned by her, well, can you not see how my perception that I had been betrayed by Baha’u’llah and her was UNDERSTANDABLE in the circumstances? And in the back of my mind the perception that she did not mean what she said, though my intuition was not supported by ANYONE in authority; what would you expect of me, in the circumstances, in terms of a reaction? The Faith itself says that faith should be based on reason. So, in the circumstances, WHY would I continue to trust Baha’u’llah? Wouldn’t it be reasonable NOT to, in the circumstances? Given the information that was allowed to me, why would I have chosen otherwise? THAT would have been insanity, and THAT is what I am programmed, by experience, to AVOID at ALL costs. If I am sorry, it is for this, I am sorry that my early childhood programmed my emotional responses to be so negative, to be as negative as Kafka’s “The Trial”. I am sorry that my father treated me like dirt, and I am sorry that I had no alternative but to believe that what he said about the real world was true, and I am sorry that the only things in life that I had to believe in were just dreams, like a silent grandfather for two weeks a year, a TV producer, a space race (probably a hoax), a corrupt but eloquent murdered politician, and a new religion that the vast majority of the world seems hell-bent on ignoring. In the circumstances, I think I have had faith and trust in SOMETHING out there, much more than could be reasonably expected. What more would anyone have reasonably expected of me? Am I making myself understood, or am I still in the doghouse, for “being too negative”?

23:26. I had an appointment today with my NHS Care Co-ordinator. He figures that I am doing well. I outlined the effects of reducing my dosage from 600 to 500 daily after two weeks. I was less relaxed, more tense and edgy, and perceived that I was closer therefore to the internal core problem, the tendency to psychosis or otherwise general psychological ill health. I surmised that I am like an animal, a cat or dog, abused by its owner for many years, and now seeking well-being, self-esteem and psychological health, in a cat or dog rescue centre. However, after so may years of mistreatment, as above, from father, boarding school, psychiatric wards and civil service, this cat (or dog), is still extremely wary of any contact with people whatsoever. This cat (or dog), does not trust anyone, will no accept kindness or love from anyone, has a hair-trigger response, trigger-happy to any possible negative social situation or person. So, therefore, I avoid eye contact whenever possible, I avoid groups of people who have or who are suspected by me of judging me, and the only social interaction I can cope with, without starting to spit at (or bark at) anyone who presumes to approach me on any emotional level. This rational appraisal of my inner emotions, buried beneath the mask of the false persona, so necessary in such social spaces as boarding school, or in the same room as my father, a false persona of play-acting the well-behaved citizen, the adapted child, the false self that many people still think was the real me, elicited from my Care Co-ordinator, the thumbs up. I am doing well. Though whether this changes my perception of whether I have anything to apologise for, I am still not clear. If I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong, perhaps this indicates that the Gerry Anderson-NASA-Bobby Kennedy-believer in the Baha’i Faith self has plenty of self-esteem, but that the problem lies in this, that the vast majority of people around me, whether fellow Baha’is, stranger walking in the street, relatives do NOT hold this Pete in self esteem, and instead judge and castigate him on the basis of his refusal to “live in the real world”, his refusal to compromise with those centres of authority which decry and condemn this self of Pete, for diverging and being different from their view of reality. Its very simple. I, with a capital I, insist that MY reality is MY perception of my world view (Gerry Anderson-NASA-Bobby Kennedy- MY understanding and perception of the Baha’i Faith) is valid, necessary to me, unnegotiable, and far superior to any conventional world view, that would be acceptable to my father, boarding school, NHS-psychiatrists, or the civil service, any definition of which to me is an indication of deep-seated moral, emotional, spiritual and psychological ill-health, disease, evil and corruption. THAT is my position. No one who doesn’t like the real me, as opposed to the false self that “behaved” to placate authority, is obliged to talk to me, to have anything to do with me, or otherwise communicate with me, and indeed, practically no one these days, DOES talk to me, hardly at all. Whether I can survive on my own, sent to Coventry, and socially shunned by all my friends, for not putting on the mask of my false self, and calling it me, remains to be seen. This year’s Summer School, with ex UHJ member Hooper Dunbar in attendance, will be an interesting experience, in this respect. Does this make perfect sense, as it does to me?

c.01:00. Watching Simon Schama, “History of Britain”, series 1, episode 2, 1066 and all that, followed by Dr Iain Stewart’s “Rise of the Continents” episode 1 about Africa. Relaxation and entertainment? Yes, learning, through BBC documentaries. Then “Voyager: To the Final Frontier”.

1710519/20140623a) Impasse. June 23, 2014

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 11:42, BST (British Summer Time)

Kamal, 19th Nur, 171 BE
Perfection, Loftiness of Light
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Monday, 23rd June 2014 AD

 

 

 

00:04. Had a visit from a Baha’i friend earlier, about 21:00, and he was not as angry with me as I had anticipated, and was able to consult with me, to the extent of getting to the nitty-gritty, and then hitting the nail squarely on the head, which was nice, and by the end of his visit, there was a bit of a smile on my face. The nitty-gritty was that I am scared stiff of losing my mind, and will go to extraordinary lengths compared to others to make sure my mind is safe, even to the extent of isolating myself socially, to disappear into my shell, or as describing Dr Kelly, withdrawing into myself, and restricting my social space to only those localities in which I am sure I will not be attacked. So, avoiding eye contact with everyone, everywhere, only going to those events where I am sure I will not be judged, which includes MECO and St Ebbe’s, and avoiding any situation in which becoming closer to someone will start to make me feel nervous if there might be any chance that this situation will lead to a “Get Back to Bed This Minute” moment; THAT is the situation that I am most afraid of, being treated in such a way, that will make me feel so devastated, that my mind will be under threat. My mind is my first priority, even above love and closeness, and I will go to unusual lengths to protect it from experiences that will call up from my amygdala and sub-conscious those emotions of blind terror, which are the beginning of psychosis. Does that make sense? It made sense to my friend earlier.

00:03.

13:12. You Tube Stingray Intro (1964).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E06cNv55jTs

The moment the USA changes from Pleasantville in black and white into Pleasantville in colour. Only in the world of Gerry Anderson, NASA, Bobby Kennedy and the Baha’i Faith.

13:11. No 6, or is it No 1?

Photo: No 6, or is it No 1?

12:56. Of course, in the last episode, No 17, No 6 is revealed to be No 1, as below. So, does THAT make me the Captain, Jean-Luc? Tea, Earl Grey, hot. Engage and make it so.

11:48. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E06cNv55jTs

The moment the USA changes from Pleasantville in black and white into Pleasantville in colour. Only in the world of Gerry Anderson, NASA, Bobby Kennedy and the Baha’i Faith.

11:42. Its becoming clear that, just as in 1964, myself and the real world cannot mix. If I wake up in the morning perceiving reality, then I am filled with despair and want to die. So this morning started in thus usual way, and the thing which “got me going” was found in the following way. Nick, upstairs was pacing to and fro, as often is the case, making a certain amount of noise, which was beginning to get on my nerves. I’d already exhausted the possibilities of the TV being of interest, checked my e-mails, no new ones of any interest, checked my bank balance, no movement, checked FB, no messages, checked FB News Feed, nothing interesting to share here, so just footsteps above to and fro, so what next? STINGRAY music! And suddenly the real world no longer exists, and STINGRAY is the new real world. Suddenly the impasse, the stalemate between self and my environment was broken. Suddenly the real world no longer exists, and there is instead me, and the world of Gerry Anderson, all around, just like Purple Haze, just like being on an LSD or DMT trip. So, Gerry Anderson is STILL the answer to all my problems, and I am still only functional in a make-believe world where all people are nothing except fibre-glass puppets, operated by the great puppet-master in the sky, taking their instructions from the Great Creator, Gerry Anderson Himself!

13:50. I’m finding that if I try to relate to the real world, I become full of despair and a wish to die, every day when I wake up. So, I’ve decided to give up in the real world, because it is driving me insane, and live in a fantasy world of Gerry Anderson instead, as in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E06cNv55jTs People around me may not like this, but that’s tough, because it is the only way I can function. Those who are besotted with the real world are welcome to it, and if I get attacked by anyone for living in a world of Gerry Anderson, I will just freeze them out. Most of the Baha’i Community has done that to me anyway already.

I don’t know if everything’s alright. In case it isn’t, I’m living in a dreamworld so I don’t have to think about it.
I have no idea what God thinks about me, and I don’t want to think about it.
Well, the way I have to manifest myself, is to ignore the real world, and live in a GA world instead.
I suspect that I’m internally frozen in 1964, when the only person who did anything for me was GA.
A choice to be frozen in GA world rather than open up to a world which as it did in 1964 might fill me with terror so intense that I would lose my mind. Fear of mental illness is the most powerful fear I have experienced, and the real world, because of how I felt in 1964, is too frightening to face up to, and this fear, emptiness, despair is something that I am reminded about every night when I sleep and wake up wishing I hadn’t.
The real world threatens with insanity.
As my Job Centre manager said in my annual report around 1987, I have no real friends, because I am too terrified to let anyone get close to me.As a Baha’i in Worcestershire once said, I have a problem with intimacy, and as the NHS say these days, whenever anyone gets close, I freak out, as if someone is going to shout “Get back to bed this minute” and I end up in psychosis again.
As Dido sings, I am “comforted by strangers”.
Because friends are too close.
So, although I crave closeness, whenever anybody does get close, I freak out and push them away.
Because I’m scared that they could shout “Get back to bed this minute” at any time, and THAT, I MUST avoid at all costs.
There hasn’t been any change for many, many years.
I used to hope for change, wistfully daydreaming that No 4 was just around the corner, hoping that No 5 would encourage me, hoping No 6 might get in touch. Now, I’ve given up and I do not expect any enabler of change to appear, either in this world or the next.
Yes, only No 6 has the key to open my heart.
Yes, Steve says I am despicable, and probably thinks a lot worse. Am going to a Christian Bible Study at St Ebbe’s which starts at 15:00.
Ok, gotta go now. Back at around 6 or 7.
I’m back now. Re keys to my heart. She DID have a key, but whether it works now, I somehow doubt. And in that case, no one has a key, nor ever will, again.

1710518/20140622a) The British Brainwashing Corporation. June 22, 2014

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 11:31, BST (British Summer Time)

Jamal, 18th Nur, 171 BE
Beauy, Dominion of Light
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Sunday, 22nd June 2014 AD

 

 

 

 

“I HAVE WARNED EVERYONE ABOUT THIS SINCE 2011. The #Philippines is pawn in this. – Lady MJ Santos, Chief Visionary Founder & Owner, The Santos RepublicUS war doctrine has been changed. US nuclear weapons are no longer restricted to a retaliatory force, but have been elevated to the role of preemptive nuclear attack. The Western World has succumbed to evil: USA has begun the run up to the Third World War, and Europeans seem to be on board.The problem for Washington is that the propaganda that prevails over the Western peoples does not prevail over the Russian and Chinese governments.

Since last autumn the US government has been lying through its teeth about Ukraine, blaming Russia for the consequences of Washington’s actions, and demonizing Putin exactly as Washington demonized Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein, Assad, the Taliban, and Iran. The presstitute media and the European capitals have seconded the lies and propaganda and repeat them endlessly. Consequently, the US public’s attitude toward Russia moved sharply negative.

SAME WITH CHINA.

How do you think China reacts when Washington declares the South China Sea to be an area of US national interests, allocates 60 percent of its vast fleet to the Pacific, and constructs new US air and naval bases from the Philippines to Vietnam?

So far the Russians, and only the Russians (and Chinese), have remained sensible according to Dr. Paul Craig Roberts, an American economist who served as an Assistant Secretary of the Treasury in the Ronald Reagan Administration earning fame as a co-founder of Reaganomics.

READ MORE HERE: http://thesantosrepublic.com/2014/06/22/the-end-of-all-of-us-washington-is-beating-the-war-drums ” From “The Santos Republic””.

 

 

 

00:07. Interesting how the news media condemn radicalisation without addressing ANY of the issues involved. Intellectually bankrupt, just like western economies run by bankers who ought to be in jail.

c.16:00. Off to Pleasantville, Kansas, with Dorothy and Toto, living in the only nation which still lives in black and white, by having The Wizard of Oz on TV. 00:07. And in the real world, just back home from a dinner invitation with a Hindu, 3 Christians and 3 Muslims, all friends, part of that Fellowship with a capital F mentioned by Shoghi Effendi, which already believes in the oneness of the human race.

 

A follow up to the article in the Washington Post . – “the Baha’is were virtually unique in Jim Crow South Carolina in attempting to create an interracial community – for which they suffered harassment and violence”.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/theprotojournalist/2014/06/21/322919723/the-runner-up-religions-of-america?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20140622

Courtesy of the ASARB

 

 

 

This is a picture you won’t see on the BBC news media, since 50,000 people protesting austerity in an economic crisis deliberately created by the international financial sector is not on the agenda of the elite. There is no democracy, only a fascist dictatorship. For supporting evidence, read “The Untold History of the United States” by Oliver Stone and Peter Puznick,  “America’s War on Terror” by Michel Chissudovsky, “The New Rulers of the Earth” by John Pilger, “Full Spectrum Dominance” by William F Engdahl.

 

 

Russell Brand

1710517/20140621a) Summer Solstice, the Longest Day. June 21, 2014

Posted by pete1844 in Diary.
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 14:41, BST (British Summer Time)

Jalal, 17th Nur, 171 BE
Glory, Sovereignty of Light
Year number 19, Vahid, (Unity)
Vahid number 9, Baha, (Splendour)
Kull-i-Shay (Fullness of Time), number 1, Alif, (A),
Saturday, 21st June 2014 AD

 

21:02. Now watching “The Hunger Games”, a distopia set in “District Twelve”. Don’t watch the Hunger Games? Don’t watch the Olympics, the World Cup, news media from the west, reality TV, soaps, adverts, , “resign” from “normal society, and choose a new way of life based on the Word of God, such as the Baha’i Faith ( http://www.bahai.org ), to gain spiritual self-empowerment, and the knowledge, skills and vision to build the Kingdom of God on Earth, as promised in the Lord’s Prayer by Jesus Christ, and banish the Kingdom of Man on Earth with its war, corruption, injustice, greed, selfishness and fascist ideology forever. I suppose “The Hunger Games” is the future of mankind, if the Baha’i Faith hadn’t appeared on Earth in 1844 AD. Just as the Gospel of Jesus changed the values of the world from that of Pagan Rome to that of Christian Byzantium, so the new Gospel of Baha’u’llah will change the rulership of the Earth from that of New York to something the Earth has not yet witnessed. Watching “The Hunger Games”, is confirming all my worst prejudices against modern-day “civilisation”. As ‘Abdu’l-Baha said in “Secret of Divine Civilisation”, it has no moral foundation. If this film has any meaning, its a warning against rebellion against the national federal government in DC, almost a threat from the elite, if the peoples of the USA decided en masse to revolt against their appalling governmental system, as exposed slightly in “The Untold History of the United States” by Oliver Stone and Peter Puznick. To me this elite is the greatest curse that has afflicted and degraded the human race from time immemorial. “Needing sponsors” instead of having human rights equals fascism. True freedom is to be independent of all but God, and endowed with THAT freedom, no one can buy you, since life itself, physical survival that is, is of no account, compared to that spiritual freedom. If the system cannot make you feel fear, and cannot tempt you to hope what it might bestow, then it can have no power over you. THAT is true freedom. Exactly, Peter Miller, be true to yourself and “they” will NOT own you, even if they kill you.

 

 

 

14:41. Have you ever heard “The Hum?”

Yes, I have. And just after it stopped at 01:00 in the early hours, someone entered the ward, and asked “Has he responded to the treatment, yet?” Circa April or May 2012, Oxford, England. Conclusion:- “Psychiatrists” routinely lie through their teeth. And also, that DEW are routinely used to placate psychiatric patients, and force them to accept higher doses of mind-numbing neuroleptic drugs.
 
http://mic.com/articles/91091/a-mysterious-sound-is-driving-people-insane-and-nobody-knows-what-s-causing-it?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social
 
 
 
 
 
a, mysterious, sound, is, driving, people, insane, —, and, nobody, knows, what's, causing, it, ,
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
More than 50,000 anti-austerity protesters in London marched outside the BBC and Parliament Square today but the BBC refuses to cover them.Comedian Russell Brand addressed the crowd: “Austerity means keeping all the money among people who have loads of it. This is the biggest problem we face today–all other problems radiate from this toxic swindle. We can organise a fairer, more just society than they can. These demonstrations are the start.”Brand said the group will hold the biggest protest in British history later this year, “Soon we will reach a size and influence where neither the BBC nor this austerity Government will be able to ignore us.”

http://bit.ly/1yxO2Ph ‪#‎nomoreausterity‬

 

 

 

 

Scientists Discover Massive Hidden Ocean Under The United States

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/06/13/huge-ocean-under-earth_n_5490890.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-tech&ir=UK+Tech

Watch out for that huge sinkhole, USA!

Hey! Where’s South America? Looks like that has already fallen into its own huge sinkhole.

oceans

 
 
 
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTuSu8NT1ec
 

SEAL Team 6 Bin Laden Shooter Says Suspect Did Not Look Like Bin Laden

Died of kidney failure in 2001, I think.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Thinking of the working class whites in the UK who have the worst academic achievements, worse than any ethnic minority. A whole class of people in a nation, socially excluded, is
surely a bad human rights violation. And very few discuss it, acknowledge it, or care about it.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
http://www.space.com/25695-sedna-dwarf-planet.html?cmpid=514630_20140621_26418136
 
 
sedna, dwarf planet, planet, pluto
 
3355!
 
 
 

 

Full text from:- http://reference.bahai.org/en/t/bic/OCF/

http://rt.com/news/167488-nasa-asteroid-grab-capture/ “‘Take it to the Moon’: NASA plans to grab asteroid that just whizzed past Earth”

This is defintely true, as far as I can see. I distinctly remember clouds as in the first picture whilst playing cricket at AGS in the early 70s.